White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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