Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
