Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
