my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize