At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You may now shotgun with the bride
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
