I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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