Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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