His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
