I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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