Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
