Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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