You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize