It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
