i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
