Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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