Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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