I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
