My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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