What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
