lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
