Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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