so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
