You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
