he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
