So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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