have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
