I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
