In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
