Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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