Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
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