I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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