I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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