We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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