mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
