At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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