More tranny stories later!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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