I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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