Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
time to smoke my breakfast
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
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