How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
