a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
