i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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