I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
