you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
