Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
