drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
