Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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