i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
