the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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