I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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