Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she looked like the before picture.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just pee around me
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
