somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
