i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
