Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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