your thong is hanging out like whoa
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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