She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
