It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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