my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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