I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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