Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
