literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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