Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
