We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
