her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Randomize
