I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
